What a week it’s been! My Cupcake became an 18 month-old today. This combined with seeing her through her first week ever at nursery school and my little L having some medical (and other) issues, makes for one super-emotional Miss Marzipan. And the start of a new cycle has of course amplified every feeling tenfold :P .

But rather than turning to sugar or some other form of escapism, as the “old me” was wont to do during emotionally charged times, the new, improved, IQS-inspired version of me has moved through a rather intense week with something that resembles calmness. Actually, I feel like I have been carried through some fairly heavy emotional stuff on a wave of grace. It has been utterly surprising.

I have sat with myself, meditated, felt my feelings, nourished my body, listened to my intuition, been open with loved ones, and cuddled my children… lots.

Here’s my big news…

Something beyond wonderful came my way too and, interestingly, it all unfolded at the same time that this blog, MissMarzipan.com, turned 3. I was approached by the team at I Quit Sugar HQ and they said they wanted to feature me in a blog post about their “favourite Instagrammer”.

Um. Blown. Away.

It turns out I’d won Sarah Wilson’s Picks for the I Quit Sugar 8-Week Program and thus a signed copy of her amazing book, I Quit Sugar For Life (HUGE dream-come-true-kinda *squee* moment, right there!). Flattered, humbled and incredibly grateful, I happily answered the questions they asked me. And then came the thing I literally sweated over… “revealing” my identity.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you know that I don’t post selfies, I don’t use my children’s real names and I haven’t featured my real name anywhere… or my face (although I have made one or two sneaky cameo appearances ;) ). I have even gone so far as to keep my blog a secret from 99.9% of my friends and family members. I haven’t “promoted” myself via Facebook and I am quite new to Instagram. I have been offered money for advertising on my blog and not accepted it. I have been offered the opportunity to have my blog linked to some successful European sites and not accepted that either. The list goes on.

I know. That sounds a little cray cray (for lack of a slightly more mature expression) in this day and age of self-promotion and over-disclosure, right? The truth of the matter is that I have loved the anonymity and, for possibly the first time since childhood, I’ve had an ongoing project that has given me joy, but for which I haven’t felt pressured to sprint on a “performance treadmill” over.

To “out”, or not to out. That was the question.

My darling brother, whom I admire beyond perhaps any other living soul, essentially said “get over yourself”. So I did. And not only did I show myself to the 430, 000 + followers of I Quit Sugar, more challenging for me, I shared the blog post via Facebook with some friends, family and peers (many of whom are employed as professional creatives… just like me) who had no idea about Miss Marzipan. And no one threw proverbial rotten tomatoes. On the contrary, people were warm, kind and extremely generous with their support. I truly felt blessed. And relieved!

In a spookily timely fashion, at some point during the week I listened to a presentation Gabby Berstein gave in which she said, “All other people want is your truth”. However we are, whatever we are feeling, right here and now, is all others need or want to see from us. She said that it is our authenticity that shines and resonates with people, not a falsified, contrived outward projection of what we think we should be. The more authentic we allow ourselves to be (even in the most raw, imperfect and vulnerable of states), the more we will draw people to us… the right people, at the right time. This makes total sense to me, as I can see that exact principle at work in my life right now. I realise how fearful of judgement I have been in the past. I am done with holding myself back or trying to dim my own light. The more I grow and the more I share of my authentic self, the more I can encourage others to do the same. I am a work in progress. And the journey that I am on creatively, emotionally, spiritually, as a mother, as a human being, is just that; a journey. I haven’t “arrived”. I am learning as I go… and that’s just fine.

So, that all being said, hello!

My name is Marisa. Nice to finally introduce myself to you properly after 3 years of hanging out here. Thank you for sharing with me!

<3

And how is the sugar-free bizzo going?

Essentially, I have been loving it, relishing both the food and the benefits.

This morning, half asleep, I told my husband to cancel my yoga class. But with less than an hour before it was due to begin, it was too late.

I thought “Crap. I can’t do it. It’s that time of the month and I always feel like rubbish…”

But when I actually checked in with myself, I didn’t feel like rubbish at all.

What the?!

NO burning, painful, cramps, NO back pain and NO bloating. And, what’s more, contrary to the doubts I had last week about my skin not healing before my next cycle began, it did!

Absence of sugar in my diet is the only thing I can attribute to this. I have tried almost everything else past to cope with hormonal imbalance and the resulting symptoms, including taking special painkillers that were available when I was a teenager.

This time around, quite unbelievably, I haven’t felt anything other than teary. And I have allowed myself be teary. I cried on Cupcake’s first day of nursery school, I cried when I told a friend about seeing L get bitten and pushed by two other boys, I cried watching the intro to MasterChef Australia The Professionals (ok, that cry was a bit random, but it was the hormones “talking”) and I bawled my eyes out during Deepak Chopra’s Global Meditation for Peace with Gabby Berstein and India Arie. At first I thought “You’re supposed to be  meditating, not crying, dammit! Fight it… and calm yourself”. Then I realised I needed to allow myself to just be… and feel… and I knew that serenity would follow if I cried, breathed deeply and let go. What a wonderful experience. What a huge realisation and gift.

And so, instead of posting recipes today (which was my initial intention), I want to end this post by thanking the game-changers out there who are positively impacting my life and the lives of others.

To the I Quit Sugar team, Sarah Wilson, Gabby Bernstein, bloggers, collaborators, Instagrammers, colleagues, encouragers (bless you, Poh**!) friends and family (love you, little bro) who have inspired and supported me, thank you.

I send you all so much love right now.

Marisa (AKA Miss Marzipan) x

*On August 11, the all-new Oprah & Deepak 21-Day Meditation Experience, Expanding Your Happiness will begin. It’s FREE to register and participate. Previous Chopra Meditation Experiences I have taken part in have profoundly impacted my wellbeing and emotional state (including helping me move through the trials of my high risk pregnancy with Cupcake). Would love you to take part in this new Meditation Experience with me!

**My parents recently returned to Stockholm with a copy of Poh Ling Yeow‘s gorgeous new recipe book, Same Same But Different, for me, signed and dedicated. In Poh’s note to me, she made the generous prediction that my “food dreams” would be reached sooner than I think. Time will tell, but for now I am so grateful for the ride!